We often think of anxiety as an adult issue—something we carry in our thoughts, our racing hearts, or sleepless nights. But anxiety doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Children, especially those who are unable to communicate verbally, absorb the emotional climate around them. And when the adults in their lives are consistently stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed, children feel it—even if they can’t say so.

For children who are nonverbal or minimally verbal, anxiety often shows up in other ways: increased aggression, repetitive behaviors (stimming), tantrums, or seemingly “noncompliant” behavior. But underneath these expressions is often a simple truth: they are trying to cope with emotional energy they don’t fully understand.

🧠 Children Are Emotional Sponges

Children are deeply attuned to the emotional states of their caregivers. Long before language develops, kids rely on tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, and energy to interpret their environment. When a caregiver is anxious—even if they try to hide it—children pick up on it.

For children who can’t ask, “Are you okay?” or say “I feel nervous,” these emotions often come out through behavior.

💥 The Behavior Is Communication

Increased aggression, meltdowns, stimming, or shutting down are not “bad behaviors.” They are communication. For children with limited or no verbal communication, these actions are often the only way they know how to express:

• Confusion about why the atmosphere feels different

• Overwhelm from emotional energy they can’t name

• Fear of instability or unpredictability

• Need for comfort or control in a stressful environment

When an adult’s anxiety increases, the child’s behavior may reflect that internal chaos. What may look like “acting out” is often a form of acting in—a response to unspoken tension.

📉 The Cycle of Stress

It becomes a loop:

1. Adult is stressed →

2. Child feels that stress →

3. Child displays difficult behavior →

4. Adult becomes more overwhelmed →

5. The behavior escalates further

This cycle is exhausting—for both the adult and the child.

🛑 Pause: What Can You Do?

Here are some powerful shifts caregivers can make:

1. Regulate Yourself First

You don’t have to be perfectly calm, but your presence can be the grounding force a child needs. Deep breaths, slowing your speech, and self-soothing strategies aren’t just for you—they model regulation.

2. Name the Emotion (Even if They Can’t)

Even if the child is nonverbal, saying things like “This feels like a tough day,” or “I’m here with you” gives emotional context. Over time, this helps build emotional literacy—even without spoken words.

3. Use Visuals or Signals

Routine, visual schedules, and consistent cues offer predictability that reduces stress. For children who can’t ask questions, structure is soothing.

4. Offer Safe Stimming

Stimming isn’t always a sign of distress—it can be a coping tool. Provide safe, appropriate outlets like fidget toys, soft textures, movement, or calming sensory spaces.

5. Create Buffer Zones

If you’re having a high-anxiety day, build in quiet time, limit stimulation, or enlist help if possible. You don’t have to carry it all alone.

❤️ You Matter in Their World

Your energy shapes theirs. That’s not to blame—it’s to empower. When you work on calming your own nervous system, you’re helping regulate theirs. Even on hard days, your presence, your breath, your effort—it all matters.

For children who can’t speak their needs, how you show up becomes their language. And when you show up grounded, patient, and attuned, you’re saying to them: You are safe. You are understood. You are not alone.